what is there left, besides ruminating inside my head

no amount of eggs, no amount of water, no amount of air can fix it

it's the ruiner, the lurker, the space in the shadow, the guilt in plain sight

darkness is my friend

fear is my only companion

pasta in the fridge, 2 days old, lasagna a day old, milk, eggs, essentials. empty pantry. empty.

how am i sustained by so little? i dont feed myself some days

that's how i stayed so thin john

fucking idiot

i dont have a job anymore

its not my fault, but it is

there's no one to blame but myself, i dont even know the people who decided i should starve

who can i talk to? no one. do i really want to feel embarrassed?

no amount of talking to strangers no amount of sitting here, thinking and regretting actions can fix what is here, what is in the past

nothing in this world belongs to me

there is nothing left

mom isnt here anymore

she cant save me

is this it?

im sorry cormac

i wish you were with anyone else besides me but you love me too much

- june 2nd 2024